![](\"http:\/\/i0.wp.com\/i.xanga.com\/djmgyx\/homer.jpg?w=180\")
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What I learned from Homer Simpson, Nuclear Power Plant Inspector #39 Springfield<\/p>\n
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When someone tells you your butt is on fire, you should take them at their word. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
There is no such thing as a bad doughnut. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Kids are like monkeys, only louder. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
If you want results, press the red button. The rest are useless. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
There are many different religions in this world, but if you look at them carefully, you’ll see that they all have one thing in common: They were invented by a giant, super intelligent slug named Dennis. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
You should just name your third kid Baby. Trust me\u2014it’ll save you a lot of hassle. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
You can have many different jobs and still be lazy. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
I enjoy the great taste of Duff. Yes, Duff is the only beer for me. Smooth, creamy Duff . . . zzzzzzzzzzzzz.<\/i> <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
You can get free stuff if you mention a product in a magazine interview. Like Chips Ahoy! cookies. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
You may think it’s easier to de-ice your windshield with a flamethrower, but there are repercussions. Serious<\/i> repercussions. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
There are some things that just aren’t meant to be eaten. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
The intelligent man wins his battles with pointed words. I’m sorry\u2014I meant sticks,<\/i> pointed sticks.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
There are way too many numbers. The world would be a better place if we lost half of them\u2014starting with 8. I’ve always hated 8. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
If I had a dollar for every time I heard \u201cMy God! He’s covered in some sort of goo,\u201d I’d be a rich man. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Be generous in the bedroom\u2014share your sandwich. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
I’ve climbed the highest mountains . . . fallen down the deepest valleys . . . I’ve been to Japan and Africa . . . and I’ve even gone into space. But I’d trade it all for a piece of candy right now. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Every creature on God’s earth has a right to exist. Except for that damn ruby-throated South American warbler. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
I don’t need a surgeon telling me how to operate on myself. <\/p>\n
Sometimes I think there’s no reason to get out of bed . . . then I feel wet, and I realize there is. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Let me just say, Winnie the Pooh getting his head caught in a honey pot? It’s not funny. It can really happen. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Even though it is awesome and powerful, I don’t take no guff from the ocean. <\/p>\n
I never ate an animal I didn’t like. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
A fool and his money are soon parted. I would pay anyone a lot of money to explain that to me. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he’ll get a hook caught on his eyelid or something. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
I made a deal with myself ten years ago . . . and got ripped off. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Never leave your car keys in a reactor core. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Always trust your first instinct\u2014unless it tells you to use your life savings to develop a Destructo Ray. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
When you borrow something from your neighbor, always do it under the cover of darkness.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
If a spaceship landed and aliens took me back to their planet and made me their leader, and I got to spend the rest of my life eating doughnuts and watching alien dancing girls and ruling with a swift and merciless hand? That would be sweet. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
I may not be the richest man on earth. Or the smartest. Or the handsomest. <\/p>\n
Never throw a butcher knife in anger. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
The office is no place for off-color remarks or offensive jokes. That’s why I never go there. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
My favorite color is chocolate.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Always feel with your heart, although it’s better with your hands. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
The hardest thing I’ve had to face as a father was burying my own child. He climbed back out, but it still hurts. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
If doctors are so right, why am I still alive? <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
I’m not afraid to say the word racism<\/i>, or the words doormat<\/i> and bee stinger.<\/i> <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Always have plenty of clean white shirts and blue pants. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
When that guy turned water into wine, he obviously wasn’t thinking of us Duff drinkers. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
I love natural disasters because we’re allowed to get out of work. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
When I’m dead, I’m going to sleep. Oh, man, am I going to sleep. <\/p>\n<\/p>\n
What kind of fool would leave a pie on a windowsill, anyway? <\/p><\/p>\n