Tuesday January 14, 2003 at 03:31 pm

Why I do this

So last night the roomies, brought up the fact that I got some names wrong on my blog, and were curious as to how the hell I could do that, when on the very same bight I was writing about, I asked the person directly what their name was. Well easy I’m not good with names, especially ones I only meet 1 a week, and when I do meet them it’s in a loud club, and usually drinks involved, but that’s beside the point. The main item was of privacy, I won’t go into detail because it’s pointless, and I’ll just remove their names from future posts.

The big deal, which really wasn’t that big, but I’ve had a few people ask me, was why do I do web log, both of my roommates thinks it’s gay, and pointless, but for me, it keeps me sane, it keeps me from doing things I know I shouldn’t do but could do, mainly at work. Then the question of why I would put personal stuff about the apt on a webpage, and the following conversation ensued

(Please note that exact dictation of the conversation is not available and thus I will break this down into a some what suitable form to convey the general layout, and course of the conversation, these words are not exact!)

Me

Roommate

Other roommate

Dude, why do you put shit that goes on here on your site? I think that’s fucked up and disrespectful.

Well seeing as it’s an online journal, I’m going to write about what� happens.

Yeah but you don’t need to write about everything.

Your right but I write what I want and if it happens and I want to write about it then I will.

Well just don’t put people names in their, because some of them don’t want their shit spread over the net like that…

Okay that’s fine I won’t use their names then.

…and don’t use mine either.

Yeah or mine.

Fine that’s kewl, whatever.

No it’s not whatever, it’s disrespectful, and you’re dropping people names that don’t want to be dropped.

I wouldn’t say I’m dropping names; I’m trying to be accurate.

Yeah, but you asked that guy his name, that night and still got it wrong on your site.

Well then obviously I don’t know him that well to keep their names straight, I only see these people once a week in sporadic bursts, you guys see them all the time.

Well still why even put that kinda shit up there, or when shit goes down here why is it every time we have argument or some shit happens here, you put that shit on the net in your distorted view, like its news for the world to see.. I mean we obviously know more people come to my site than yours and that you 4 readers are likely to never meet us in person, but still, there’s no need to put personal shit up there, how would you like it if I put that shit on the front page of my site?

Well from now on, I won’t use anyone name, that doesn’t want it used, as far as whatever happens here, if it happens and I’m involved it’s going to be written about if I want to, it’s not some news site, it’s my site, that’s open for whoever to read. As for the distorted view, it’s written in my perspective therefore, it’s going to be my view, and obviously if we argued about something then are views are different to begin with, I wouldn’t put your distorted view of the situation on there, simply because I perceive it as being distorted and incorrect, and if I didn’t then obviously we wouldn’t have argued about it to begin with. As for if you put the same kind of shit that I write on your page, I wouldn’t care, I don’t care, write away if you want.

That’s bullshit and you know it, you would care!

Nope!

Shut the fuck up, no matter what you say I know you would!

Nope!

Okay I take part of that back, maybe a few years ago, I would care, but now I don’t, so if your basing that off the years you’ve known me then it’s accurate, but no longer applicable.

Whatever, say what you want, you would.

Dude if I gave a fuck about any of that shit, why the fuck would I be writing a book, why would I put the shit out there myself…”hello”…I wouldn’t!

Whatever, say what you want, you would.

I don’t give a fuck, that’s why I put it up there, but obviously yall don’t wanna be mentioned so I won’t put your names on anymore.

So I guess most people would wonder why I just don’t care about what anyone knows about me, simple, I had a life altering moment, actually several, that have accumulated over the years that has now changed the way I look at the world, and why I personally don’t think it really matters what people know of me and my life. Which is overall the reason for my book, not that I hope that millions read it, hell I doubt it’ll ever be published, but if it does, It won’t matter to me what people think of it, it wasn’t meant for them to begin with.

That seems to be a common thing I’ve noticed when I explain something that I do, or that I’ve done to someone, most of the time they are under the assumption, I did it with them or someone else in mind, which is not the case the majority of the time. The majority of the time when I do something, or did something I did/do it for myself, because I feel like it, or because I can. Nothing more, nothing less, it’s that simple. If in the course of doing so somebody gets pissed, life goes on, get over it, just remember, 90% of the time, it had nothing to do with you to begin with, so why get pissed off about it.

I’m not going to go into great detail about what caused this changed, simply because it would be pointless to write it here and then have to go back and import it into the book formatting that I already have started, I can say this it’s like the movie Contact. The main character experience something that changes the way she looks at life and the world around her, the experience itself is not to prove something cut and dry, it’s not to prove that one way is the way it should be or the way it has to be, but it does disprove that not every way or outlook on thing is the correct one. For me personally I’ve dubbed it “IDGAF (I Don’t Give A Fuck)”, this started some time ago as a weekend philosophy, but as been implement into a constant aspect, for now at least until things change or until another moment comes along and makes me re-evaluate things. I can’t explain it entirely, and that’s the reason why I’m writing the book and why I write this journal.